Alas, if that were only the end of my post. Unfortunately, as the title implies, this is just the beginning. I am not a healthy individual. I am not talking here about my eating or exercise habits. I'm not talking about the fact that I worship at the cardboard shrine of Starbucks at least 3 times a day. And I'm not talking about the fact that I exercise about as much as Homer Simpson. I'm talking about my genes.
Since I turned 18, I have been a medical carousel of symptoms and syndromes. I have had so many diagnoses, I don't even think that House could keep them straight. (Oh, how I wish House was my PCP) First it was asthma, then they found the allergies, then the cholecystitis, then the Celiac disease, followed by Chronic Epstein Barr Virus, and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few. I have been to the emergency room more times then I can count and have been hospitalized enough times that I am starting to forget about them. Forget about listing my medications. Its gotten to the point where I just tell the doctors that if they want to know what I'm taking, they can damn well look it up. Its faster than trying to remember, and I always forget at least two.
Because of the autoimmune nature of most of my problems. My doctor thought it would be helpful for me to see a nutritionist. Obviously with the Celiac disease, I have had to give up wheat and gluten already. Don't get me started on that. Apparently however, there have been major advances made in the management of autoimmune disorders through dietary control.
Enter the nutritionist. My nutritionist is a doctor. She has a fancy title and a bunch of degrees. (I saw them in her office.) At the very least, this means that she knows more about food than me. (Although this fell into question when she had no idea about In-and-Out's Secret menu...) She didn't lecture me, she didn't condemn me for my monstrous eating habits. What she did do was analyze me to pieces. After filling out countless forms about my health, my eating habits, my likes, my dislikes, my symptoms, my hopes, my dreams and my collection of Harry Potter memorabilia, she sent me home. A week later, my analysis was ready. Now, I wish I could give you the break down the way that she gave it to me, but alas, I have neither the doctorate nor the desire. Here is the short answer. Before: Ate like a pig with serious homicidal tendencies towards vegetables of any kind. After: Will eat like a bird with a leafy green fetish.
Luckily, she didn't just give me a list and say "Do it or Die." She sat me down and talked (And talked and talked and talked) about why they were making each change and what I could expect to gain from the changes. This part I remember a little better.
Firstly, Gluten and wheat were out. This is no surprise. I have celiac, I knew I had celiac. Been there, done that, choked on the bread products. What I did get from this was that all products that say "gluten-free" are wheat free, but not all wheat-free products are gluten-free. Got that? Good.
Next, I am going yeast-free. This is more difficult because yeast is in a LOT of foods. The reasoning behind this one is my digestive problems. This is one of those "eliminate it completely and then we can try adding it back in in small amounts and see how you do".
Casein-free and dairy-free. This change is new and is also geared towards building the immune system back up. I'm interested to see how this works, because I am a dairy junkie. Between my manic latte consumption and my cheese fetish, I probably consume more dairy than a herd of baby cow-lets. Its not going to be easy to change this, but I think that if I'm going to see big changes immediately, this might be where they come from.
Red meat free. I have been wanting to do this for some time anyway. I am a reformed vegetarian, meaning I used to be, but now I worship at the butcher counter just like all the other red blooded Americans. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that chickens and fishes aren't animals. I'm just saying that they aren't CUTE animals. And also, roosters are really irritating.
My cholesterol is not bad, per se, but the doctor said that that was only because I was young and that if I continued to eat eggs and burgers like they were the last foods on earth, I'd be a bypass candidate by 40. So bye-bye beef, hello halibut!
Nightshade-free. This is the heart breaker. Do you know what nightshade free means? It means NO POTATOES! Just say goodbye to happiness, here's your bridge, bend your knees. Nightshades are a group of foods that contains potatoes, tomatoes, eggplants and peppers. Basically, everything good in the kitchen (and in life). I saw the nutritionist at 10am this morning and it has taken until 11:44pm for the shock to wear off to the point where I can process the benefits. Nightshades cause inflammation. Which means all the joint and organ pain that I have been experiencing might be able to be directly traced to the greasy mecca of potatoey goodness that is In-and-Out. (And Jack in the Box, Wendy's, McDonalds, and Carls Jr.) Fine. I can do this.
Nut-free. This is not one of my nutritionists recommendations. This one is mandated by my toddler. My sweet, precious, jewel of a baby is the reason behind the great peanut butter embargo of 2010. Its weird, I loved peanut butter. I ate an apple with peanut butter like every single day of 2009. Then this noisy little miniature human comes along with her peanut allergy, and I don't even mind. I'm over it. Peanuts are out, soy is IN.
Wow, you say. That is a lot of restriction. What on God's green earth are you going to eat now? Well, green stuff. Dark leafy green veggies, other veggies, chicken and fish (the ugly ones, remember?), some figs and pomegranates, and a couple of other food items thrown in for color and variety. But apparently its not just about what I eat, its about when I eat too. I have to eat within an hour of waking up in the morning and then keep eating every 2-3 hours until I go to bed at night. It's gonna be interesting.
Tomorrow is Zero-hour. I'm gonna wake up and eat my healthy breakfast and then I'm headed to Sprouts to buy the rest of the crazy stuff on my list. I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever seen a fig for sale, anywhere, so this will be a real adventure. Tune in tomorrow for the next part of the Saga.
In the interest of full scientific disclosure, here are my stats:
Height: 5'10''
Weight: 230lbs
Body Fat %: 40%
Current level of caffeine intake: 400mg a day.
Current symptoms: Pain level- 7. Daily heartburn. Migraines. Joint pain, abdominal pain, irregularity, skin rash, frequent infections.
Oh yea, did I mention that I'm only 25?
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